Posted on | October 13, 2011 | 3 Comments
In my dream last night, I was visiting at my parent’s home. My three siblings were there, but no spouses or kids. We were in the family room enjoying a discussion when I decided to walk into the mud bathroom. Remember this is a dream. To the right of the sink were two hands (a few fingers missing and/or hanging) in a bowl of water. The water was not bloody, but a bit cloudy. On the floor were a few knives and an axe.
The next thing I knew my son was with me following the dripping blood. It led us out onto the driveway. We followed it to the end of the driveway, and at that point I had learned it was my brother Chris’ hand.
The neighborhood was alive. Neighbors were planting flowers, working in their vegetable gardens, and a group of boys (my brother, Doug, included) were playing basketball across the road.
I began to scream my brother’s name. I screamed, “Chris, Chris, Chris”, over and over again. No one seemed to notice. The next thing I knew was that my parents were by my side. They said that he cut off his other hand before. He goes away and will come home when he’s ready. They were very calm. Their calmness was reassuring.
Why is this weird? My brother, Chris, estranged himself from our family 3 years ago. Or as my 12 year-old would say, he “defected.” Chris is married and they have 2 children. The oldest is my Godson. I haven’t seen any of them for a little over 3 years.
I’ve been thinking about him a lot, lately. He was diagnosed with colon cancer a couple of years ago. We thought he beat it, but it’s back. It’s in his liver.
Back to the dream: I learn that the other hand is that of my 16 year-old daughter, Rebecca. All I could think was, “Why? Why would she cut off her hand?” This time Kevin and my other daughter Grace reassured me that she knows what she’s doing.
What does this all mean? Is Rebecca separating herself from us? Am I dreaming this because she has begun the “college search?” Is the thought of her being miles away from us freaking me out? YES!
Reality: It’s 6:00 AM. I role over in bed and there is Rebecca. She’s asleep on her back, mouth open, and a small, gentle snore. Kevin is out of town. When he is gone Rebecca is the one who always climbs into bed and sleeps with me. When she’s off to college will the other 2 sleep with me?